how cool would it be

bachelor of arts in history at the university of calgary, 2011-2015
summer arabic intensive at zaytuna college in berkeley, california 2013
master of arts in near and middle eastern studies at university of toronto

so it’s innocence (1993-2002), the transformation (2002-2007), the prime (2007-2008), downs and ups and downs (2008-2012), and obscurity (2012-now).

i’ve moved past friendships. it’s second semester of second year of university. what’s the plan? i need to get good grades. i can’t afford to be subpar. i am scared if it has already happened. nonetheless, if i face a hurdle i need to step over it and keep going. it’s too early to give up hope.

you can do this, kamran. you will move to to toronto for graduate school. you will express the fullest forms of independence, fun, and creativity—living in the heart of toronto at the university of toronto…

tell me it’s true

what does the future look like? to be honest i’ve been so scared into thinking that the future is bleak and that there won’t be any jobs and that it’s a dog eat dog world and that you’ll need to provide for your family etc etc

ideally i’ll get married someday because with my environment i don’t know what dating someone “effectively” would look like. not like it is some sort of utilitarian thing. i do have this fantasized image of like sitting on hills and riding bikes all the while hiding it all from my parents. i’m 19 now not 14 so i’m guessing i’m supposed to be too old for that kind of thing? and i’m guessing she would be too old for that kind of thing? marriage looks kind of daunting especially because i’m not supposed to know the person before i get married to them but that prospect is looking kinda bleak. i’ve realized that i will have to know and have a healthy bond with someone before i take it to my family. i know it all sounds so conservative but i have enough guilt to not let go of this part of my upbringing and my life. beyond all of this is actually meeting someone that i can vibe with and have the feeling reciprocated. i’ve tried in the past and it hasn’t worked out so i don’t really know where this will end up

as if facebook and twitter were not self-indulgent enough. i guess this blog will be for more personal musings and observations. i am lost in a flurry of procrastination and it hasn’t become detrimental yet but i know that it will if all my evenings are spent getting lost in fictional universes. star wars or star trek or anime or superheroes or whatever it is. eminem says on say goodbye hollywood “bury my face in comic books ‘cause i don’t wanna look at nothing this world’s too much i’ve swallowed all i could” i guess it’s the same for me man i barely have any interactions with people anymore unless it is at work. when i get to university i stay at the fringes of university trying my best to stay away from the food court and places where i will likely run into people. it’s more somber on the fringe i guess. plus i wouldn’t really say i have any best friends anymore so running into one of those guys is something i try to avoid at all costs